How Did We End Up Here?

Life doesn’t stop… For anyone. There are moments in our lives where we want things to slow down, whether it’s to enjoy the moment, stop something bad from happening, or maybe to try to catch our breath because life is going faster than we’re accustomed to. No matter how bad we want it, no matter how we wish we could do it, we can’t stop time. But what we can do is take a quick pause and look back at how far we’ve come.

Today’s date, exactly three years ago, holds a lot of significance in my life and the person I’ve become. July 17, 2015 was one of the most difficult, heartwarming, exciting, heartbreaking, life-changing, and memorable days I’ve ever experienced. From sunrise to sunset and into the dark of night, I was on an emotional rollercoaster. From spending time with my dog, having lunch with an amazing guy, saying my “see-you later’s” to my dog and best friend’s family, seeing my favorite band in concert, to wishing my friends nothing but the best as they dropped me off at the airport — I felt all the emotions and felt them at their full capacities.

Over the past three years I’ve had to hit pause quite a few times, especially in those moments where I mentally could not handle what was going on. Each time I took a moment to pause, I asked myself, “How did I end up here?” More often than not, the answer was found in all the moments leading up to that question. The sleepless nights, the tears I thought wouldn’t stop, the laughter and smiles, the new opportunities, the heartbreaking events, the uplifting and enlightening conversations, the flashbacks of what others had said, and the people who had walked out or into my life.

Sometimes it hard to see what’s right in front of us when all we can focus on are the negatives that we’ve had to endure, but it never hurts to step back and see how far you’ve come. If you take the time to pause and reflect, you’ll realize how much you’ve overcome and what you’re really made of — because I have.

When I moved back home, I was completely broken and I refused to acknowledge that brokenness. I stayed home, locked in my room, sulking because life had become unbearable for me. If I had to go out and be around other people, I would do my best to smile and pretend that everything was just fine, which broke me even more. But now, here I am, finally getting the help I need and trying my best to continue moving forward.

I am here today because I got my heart broken.
I am here today because I had to endure the pain and brokenness.
I am here today because my family and friends encouraged me to keep going.
I am here today because my mentors didn’t give up on me.
I am here today because I chose to keep going, even when I didn’t want to.
I am here today because God has a plan for me.

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