There has been something on my heart for a while now, something that I wanted to share with all of you in hopes of encouraging someone who may be going through the same things I’ve been through.
Let me start by saying this:
Change is difficult… But it’s not impossible.
For a long time I let myself stay in the darkness that I created. There were times where I would see the light and work towards lighting up my darkness, but as soon as any real change was about to come, I would get rid of my progress and go right back to where I was in the beginning. Somehow, I became comfortable in that place — the place where my fears, anxiety, brokenness, and past mistakes overcome and overtake everything else. I became completely okay with sitting in that mess, with no plans on ever getting out… Until two people who I love and look up to put things into perspective for me.
Am I really content with staying in my own darkness?
Am I really going to let the lies I’ve been told over the years be the reasons I don’t move forward?
Am I really stopping change from happening because I was afraid of what might happen?
Am I really going to run in circles, doing the same things over and over, for the rest of my life?
Am I really okay with giving up on myself?
I needed change. I tried so hard to change the outside things of my life — the people I held close to me, the things I did in my free time, the amount of work I did after I clocked out of my full time job, the books that I read, the shows and movies that I watch, and so much more — but what I completely bypassed was changing myself. I need to change my heart, to change my perspective towards (almost) everything, in order for other things to change.
Change happens from the inside out.
Once I chose to wholeheartedly change my heart, my perspective began to change, too, and I was able to finally take steps (although they were and still are the tiniest steps) towards bringing things to light. Although I started making those changes, there were still times where I fell back and wanted to give up. Each time I fell, it became harder to get back up. I had to fight myself over and over, to push through instead of staying stagnant. Through that, I learned that working towards change was a choice that I continuously had to make.
Change is a choice that you need to make everyday, sometimes multiple times a day.
I’m no where near where I want to be in this journey, but what I know for sure is that I’m not where I once was. I may revisit that place when things start to become difficult again, but I know change is still possible.
As much as we wish change would happen overnight, it doesn’t. Change is a process and you have to keep fighting for it. If I can get myself to start this journey, I know you can, too.