Exactly one year ago I wrote this blog post: To: Me in 2018.
After writing out that letter to my 2018 self, I stuck it in an envelope and put it in a safe place so I can revisit it.
Today, exactly one year later, I opened up and read that letter.
Reading this letter was a humbling experience. I was reminded of all that happened at the end of 2016 and going into 2017, and saw how far I’ve come in the past year. I’m still struggling, that’s no secret, but I know that I’m stronger than I was before.
Trusting in God’s timing is still something I’m working on. I still beat myself up every single day for not being where I wanted to be at this point, but I know where I stand and I know God is still here and He’s still working on me.
Finding help is something I put on hold in the second half of 2017. It took everything in me and more to continue getting help, but I’ve made the decision to get back on my road to recovery and I haven’t regretted any part of it. Finding a professional or help me acknowledge and work through my problems has been one of the greatest blessings God has led me to.
Letting go… Ah, letting go. This is something I know that I’ll always need to work on. It has come to my attention recently that I NEED to rest — not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I hold on to things very tightly, even those that I shouldn’t have to begin with. This is one of my greatest weaknesses but at the same time, it’s one of the things that has helped me to see and love others differently. There’s an abundance of things I need to let go, and with the help I’ve been receiving, it’s getting easier and easier to do so.
No matter how much I’ve messed up in the past year, no matter how I fall short — I know I need to keep fighting. I tend to forget that when I am weak, He is strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) My brokenness takes my focus away from what really matters, but I’ve made the decision to keep moving forward.
I’m still here and I’m still fighting. You can keep fighting, too.
If you started 2018 with a heavy heart, know that you are not alone. Please keep fighting. You can get through whatever storm you’re in right now. Keep moving forward, whether you move an inch or a mile, keep moving forward.